I can't do this anymore.

I feel like I've constantly struggling to be happy, everyday I try to think of things that will make me happy and for the most part they work, but why should I have to struggle. I dont want to struggle anymore, I just want it to be.

I cant take this shit anymore, I've lost fucking everything, my car, my freedom, my friends are never home, my love has no desire to talk to me, What do I have left to lose? my job? My mind?

I dont know what to do about this anymore, I have so many ups and downs, one day im up the next day im fucking down, I have no idea how to get rid of these feelings I feel, I keep trying, I keep praying, I keep hoping and it never changes.

I want to just 'let it be' but it won't let me be. I finally feel like im getting over this cold and what depression again?
Why can't I just feel happy for once, why can't I just feel good.

I just want to get out of my house, and go somewhere, and I cant even do that.

Im struggling so fucking badly to try to make sense of all this and its just not happening.

I cant even function cause of all this shit im going through, I cant do my everyday things.
I dont know what im going to do, everyday is up for grabs for me cause I dont know whats going to come next.

I just want to be happy for once in my fucking life and let it last. It seems that whenever I actually do get happy it lasts 2 seconds before something in my life fucking crashes down to ruin it.

Im just about to throw my fucking hands in the air and say FUCK IT, Rain on my fucking parade if you want to I give the fuck up. I've lost everything pretty much so what else do I have to lose?

I think that anyone out there who talks this shit for attention is out of their fucking mind, because I really feel the way I do, and I fucking hate it. People are probably sick to death of hearing about me depressed all the time, Christ I am too. I'm sick to fucking death of being depressed. I want some happiness in my stupid life.

I just wish that one day I will wake up and everything will just be ok again, no stress, no anxiety, no problems, no crying, but I will always have that guard up because I can never be completely happy, Right around the corner there is always shit for me.

I have my therapist and psych tomorrow, Im not happy about it, Its like they are paid to tell me complete bullshit.
I tell them my bullshit, they tell me how to function with the bullshit. By telling me more bullshit.

The only GOOD thing coming out of tomorrow is going to Crossroads, which to be fucking honest I dont know if it will actually be a good thing cause Felix is pissed off as fuck with me right now. So hell I might just go to providence and wander. I dont care. So long as im out of this fucking cave I dont care.

I better buddle up cause god knows IT WONT STOP SNOWING.

Im so frigin pissed at the world, at first I was really sad but now im just ticked off and again I cant do shit about it, Im stuck here. Venting. Venting Venting. That's all I ever do is vent. Whatever. 

 Take me where I've never been
Help me on my feet again
Show me that good things come
To those who wait

Tell me I'm not on my own
Tell me I won't be alone
Tell me what I'm feeling isn't some mistake
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end

If you asked me, I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Baby, when you look at me
Tell me what do you see?
Are these the eyes of someone
You could love?

'Cause everything that brought me here
Well, not it all seems so clear
Baby, you're the one that I've been dreaming of
If anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end

If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love

Only you can take me sailing in your deepest eyes
Bring me to my knees and make me cry
And no one's ever done this
Everything was just a lie and I know, yes, I know

This is where it all begins
So tell me it will never end
I can't fool myself
It's you and no one else

If I could wish upon tomorrow
Tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
If anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Show me that good things come
To those who wait

Comments

[Erik Cardwell]

[this is good] In it something is. I will know, many thanks for the help in this question.